My flickr pictures

Friday, March 31, 2006

Never, Ever, Never Ever Ever Never

...ever carpool with your Quality department on a Friday. Never.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

"Just two fingers"

My sister was flying from Hawaii to Norway -- you know, you're typical flight -- and had a 13 hour layover in Atlanta. I picked her up from the airport and we went to the new Georgia Aquarium, the largest aquarium in the world.

After pushing a few kids aside, we got to touch cownose rays (slimy), bonnethead sharks (rubbery), starfish (squishy), and shrimp (they felt like shrimp).

But my favorite part of the aquarium was going through the "Ocean Voyager" exhibit -- home to whale sharks and tens of thousands of other species of fish, all living happily (or at least I hope so) in 6 million gallons of water. The exhibit consisted of a cool acrylic underwater tunnel, as well as a massive viewing window 23ft x 61ft large for prime fish watching. If it wasn't so crowded, I could have sat in front of that window for hours.

You can see pictures from our underwater adventure here.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Lawyers are for sucks

I think I just figured out the secret to lawyers.

I'm pretty sure the bar exam is not about court cases, regulations, or laws. It's about Shakespearean writing and how well you can read olde English. Because if you're the best at it, you can confuse all of the other idiots around you. And that means making a lot of money. I was recently sent a Warranty Deed from my relocation company:

To have and to hold the said tract of parcel of land, with all and singular the rights, members and appurtenances thereof, to the same being, belonging, or in anywise appertaining, to the only proper use, benefit and behoove of the said Grantee forever in fee simple.

Now, I'm supposed to sign my name below this--as if I actually comprehended more than 3 words. As far as I know, I may be signing off on donating my kidney to the local science museum. Or perhaps I'm unknowingly enslaving myself to work at Affordable Dentures for the rest of my life. Good thing I'm one of the many idiots, or else I might actually be worried.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Scatter Brain

...while driving home from work today, I realized I left my cell phone on my desk. I was about 8 miles away, and considered for a brief moment turning around and going back. But then I decided that I'm not that popular. The sad thing is that I feel really out of touch right now... NCAA bracket is about as accurate as the "intelligence" findings of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq... future residence was purchased during my recent trip up to Minneapolis. The home buying process is exhausting...

...I received the sketchiest piece of junk mail yesterday. It was a Jesus-face prayer mat, saying that if I knelt on it and prayed, marked on the included sheet what issues I wanted people to pray for on my behalf, and sent the prayer mat and a donation back to them, that my prayers would be answered (examples included receiving $40,000, as well as a new car)...

...I have to give training tomorrow night at 9PM. Something tells me I won't miss plant life...

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Sticker Shock

Looking online at houses and condos in Minneapolis is not fun. In case anyone out there gave up money/saving for Lent, I thought I'd throw it out there that I'm accepting any and all donations to the MattO-buy-a-house Fund.

A cool $250,000 would help nicely.

But don't worry, I won't shun any amount. I take personal checks, PayPal, cash, and many other forms of donation. If you want to make it fun, I'm even willing to setup an elaborate plan where I wait in line at a coffee shop, set down my briefcase, and "accidentally" pick-up one that happens to look just like it. Just let me know. I'm willing to work with you.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Relo Mania

So I've officially started the relo game and met with a Realtor and an appraiser today. The goal is to start showing people my place this weekend. So that means I have to live in a spotless, non-messy, sweet-smelling space for the remainder of my time in Hotlanta. Happy happy joy.

I should start a tally of every time I have to sign my name, fax a document, etc.. People could write in and place their bids. You know, give everyone something to root for after March Madness is over.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

You boys aren't from 'round here, are ya?

I heard a sentence this morning that prompted me to post:

He sung that song good.

It's not the worst sentence I've ever heard in my life. But, you need to realize, that "good" (a one syllable word) was pronounced more like "guuuuhd" (somewhere in the ballpark of 4 syllables). Perhaps it is just southern dialect that dictates you must draw out your last word until your breath is exhausted? There's no such thing as a truck down here. It's a truuuuuuck.

However, my all-time favorite southern phrase is:

I might could.

As in, "I might could do that", "I might could help you", or "I might could get my truuuuuuck." The first time I heard it, it took me a few seconds to register that I never came across that in Mrs. Campbell's English class. It actually sounded correct when pronounced with a southern accent.

And don't get me wrong--I don't mean to offend anybody from the south. I'm just fascinated. Who knows, maybe I'll miss all of this so much when I'm back north that I'll integrate it into my vocabulary? Dontcha know you betcha I just might could.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006


There has been lots of awards talk floating around, and so I thought I'd share my 2 cents and give some awards myself...

  • What: The Catcher in the Rye
  • Award: A Ham and Cheese Sandwich
  • Why: It's not my favorite by any means, but it's not too bad either, while some people think it's the best thing ever.

  • What: The Godfather
  • Award: A tobacco pipe (and smoking jacket for style)
  • Why: A classic. Even though the contents are bad and I wouldn't smoke one, I have to admit I like the smell. I found myself rooting for the Corleone family -- even concerned for them -- although in the end they are still a bunch of mafia guys.

  • What: The Terminator
  • Award: An Atari 2600
  • Why: It was super cool when it came out. So the graphics, music, and design might be a little dated...but it's still really cool.

  • What: Michael David Seven Deadly Zins
  • Award: A bottle of Michael David Seven Deadly Zins
  • Why: I brought it to a party and was an instant hit. We all wanted more. A great red wine that even non-red wine drinkers would probably like.

  • What: Barry and Colin's Dinner Party (and the food)
  • Award: Ancho Chile Chocolate Flan Brulee
  • Why: Both are vegetarian. Both took a lot of creativity and effort. The end result in each were very happy taste buds.

Friday, March 03, 2006

Southern Independence

My sister summarized it perfectly.
  • Syttende Mai - the 17th of May -- Norway's independence from southern rule.
  • The 16th of May -- My independence from the south.
We theorized that Norway probably won its independence on the 16th, but waited to party till the 17th, thus becoming the recognized day of independence. So it was pretty much predestined for me to leave the south and start anew on the same day as the motherland. I'm so proud to represent.

So what I'm getting at, is that with mixed emotions, I will be moving back to Minneapolis to start in my new role as an SAP Developer on May 16th. I'm pretty sure there will be a parade or something. Looking forward to seeing everyone again.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Dentures, Part 2

I was driving in to work the other day and decided to take the frontage road outside of Affordable Dentures (if you have no idea what I am talking about, click here). With camera in hand, I performed what may be the world's first "Dentures Drive-by". It's not much, but it's a start. View the photo in Flickr to get more of the story.