When I first found out that Ashlee Simpson had released a new cd, my first thought was "Ashlee Simpson isn't dead yet?" But, being the ever optimistic that I am, I decided that I would give the younger, less attractive, and slightly more retarded of the Simpson sisters another chance to please my eardrums. I am happy to report that I am now suing Ashlee Simpson and all her affiliates for the $9.99 that the cd cost me as well as $12.6 billion in damages that I have suffered after listening to this piece of rabit feces she tried to pass off as music.
Nothing would please me more than to meet the third grader that penned the majority of these songs and give him (or her) a swift shot to the jaw. These lyrics have about the same intelligence of a 12-count box of Crayons that my dog ate and left as a multi-colored surprise out on the back lawn. Let me give you one of my favorite examples of the lyrical genius that is Ashlee Simpson, and I quote, "L,O L,O L,O, L O V E/L,O L,O L,O L O V E/L,O L,O L,O L O V E/ x 14,000"
Thank you Ashlee Simpson. Without these strong words of wisdom you have imparted on me, I honestly don't know if I could have continued to work to succeed in this cruel and heartless world. You truly are the voice of a generation. Unfortunately, the generation I am speaking of is direct result of the cross breeding a cockroach, that third-grader that has a meeting with my fist, and Celine Dion.
So please, if you fall into the above-mentioned category, purchase this CD. But as for me, I'll be seeing you in court Ms. Simpson.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
I was browsing around the iTunes Music Store the other day and saw that L.O.V.E by Ashlee Simpson was one of the Top Ten Songs of the Day. I was curious to see if it happened to be a complete rip-off of the wonderful Nat King Cole song by the same name, so I clicked on the link to hear a sample. Fortunately, it was not a remake and therefore didn't ruin a true artist's piece of work. While listening to the snippet I happened to read a review of Ashlee's album that an iTunes user had posted. I found it too funny not to share with the rest of the world: